Things you will
learn in 50 years of Living
1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe "Daylight Savings Time."
2. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.
3. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
4. A penny saved is worthless.
5. Never say anything to a woman than even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless she is wearing a sign to that effect.
6. The most powerful force in the universe is: GOSSIP
7. The one thing that unites all human beings regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background is that deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers.
8. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: Age 11
9. People who want to share their views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
10. Nobody is normal
11. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that whatever they announced last year about global warning is wrong.
12. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve it's full potential - that word would be "meetings."
13. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
14. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
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